Addicted to Approval?

“Once you free yourself from the need for perfect acceptance, it’s a lot easier to launch work that matters.” ~ Seth Godin

Everyone has an opinion

I’ve noticed how often I wondered what others would think before I took an action or made a decision. In the past, there have been times when I felt addicted to wanting approval from others before moving forward.

My husband is reading a book that makes the distinction between choices and decisions. The author says CHOICES are made from the heart, while DECISIONS are made from the intellect. I’m learning to trust my choices and have quit making decisions by committee. I gather information from a variety of sources (including my gut) and then choose. I’ve given up feeling I need to do what someone else thinks just because I asked for their opinion.

It is a journey for me and I’m aware now more than ever of the choice I always have to speak my truth in love. I’ve heard several times recently that the only time someone will accuse you of being selfish is when you don’t do what THEY want. That is an eye-opening perspective for me.

Part of this journey has been making peace with the understanding that I don’t need other people to agree with me. My truth is my truth. A gift of growing older is that I’ve learned more, experienced more and met others who comfortably live their truth. I examine what I think and why I believe a particular thing… and sometimes change my mind.

I believe in cooperation, collaboration and finding ways to work together. I think the ways we can come together are more important that the reasons that keep us apart. I also believe that we all just want to be heard, appreciated and loved.

I’m working with a couple of business collaborators on a tele-seminar around approval that was sparked from the Seth Godin quote at the top of this post. We aren’t sure how this will all come together, but we are excited about exploring the topic.

Your thoughts about this would be helpful as we gather information! Please share any comment that “addicted to approval” sparks within you, including ways you have “done work that matters by moving forward without perfect acceptance.”

I’ve also posted a question on LinkedIn if you would like to leave your comments there and see what others are saying.

Thank you!

Peace with Prosperity

Today is the 7th day of the new decade and the year of my Personal Peace and Play Project. I’ve given up goal setting in the traditional sense. I’ve decided instead to focus on what I want from life and “play” my life as a game of improv instead of trying to map it all out. Staying more present in this moment and choosing my next action from what is actually happening instead of what I expect to happen. Moving toward what feels like fun and where my passion and enthusiasm can create the greatest impact.

A water crystal after the word peace was written or spoken over it.

So, instead of focusing on wanting more money, I’m focusing on having peace with whatever prosperity I have. I’ve had times in my life when I’ve had a cushion of money in the bank and have still been anxious about losing it and about making more. The gift of not having that cushion now is that I am forced to focus on what I want from money anyway. I want peace around having $10 or around having $10 Million.

Hence, my Personal Peace and Play Project. I’m experimenting with ways to focus, which includes Days of Gratitude. Another action I’m taking is writing “PEACE $” across the solar plexus area of my chest with a marker each day. When I get anxious, I feel it in my chest. The first time I wrote this was a few nights ago just before bed, when I had felt anxious many times through the day. That night I slept all night without waking up (a very rare occurrence) and slept until almost 8am (an even rarer occurrence)!

And there is research to support my marker. Dr. Masaru Emoto’s work includes extensive research around writing words or speaking words over water crystals and photographing how they change depending upon the words. And, since my body (and yours) is almost 60% water, it just makes sense to me that my marker-ing can only have a positive effect. Here is a video showing a variety of water crystals, including PEACE.

More on Peace and Play to come this year. I would love any ideas you have and what things you do for fun and peace.

~ Namaste

Gratitude to Prevent Swine Flu?

That may be an overstatement, but there is research showing that practicing gratitude regularly can make you healthier. “Growing evidence indicates that the expression of gratitude can also improve one’s physical health and functioning. Researchers are finding that behaviors such as gratitude, for example, may be reliably connected to positive changes in an individual’s cardiovascular and immune functioning.”*

So, think about it. When your immune system is stronger, you are less susceptible to the flu and other ailments. As you look at ways to stay healthy this winter, consider starting a regular practice of gratitude. Here are a few ideas for you:

- People in many countries don’t have access to clean running water. Today, every time you turn on a faucet, send a word of thanks.

- Write out a list of all of the people you love. Close your eyes and visualize them in a circle around you. Feel yourself radiating love to each of them.

- Even one dollar can make a difference. Connect with your heart and see where it leads you to give. Give away a dollar a day in any way you see fit. You may just be led to leave it somewhere for someone else to find.

- Go to www.DaysofGratitude.com and download a free e-book with a full month of gratitude exercises. (Co-authored by the Gratitude Girls, Dr. Robin Kirby, Carolyn G. Buttram and Vanessa Lowry)

Spend the month of November in gratitude and THANKSgiving!

Practice gratitude on your own or make it an opportunity for family interaction each day. Another research study showed that daily gratitude exercises with young adults resulted in higher reported levels of the positive states of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy.**

So, boost your immune system and ward off swine flu by practicing gratitude… it could be more effective than grandma’s chicken soup!

*quoted from article by Dr. Charles D. Kerns, PhD

** Highlights from the Research Project on Gratitude and Thankfulness

Everything has a Season

It has been raining in Atlanta. That was an understatement as a few weeks ago flooding was extensive throughout the city. This in a state (Georgia) that has been in drought conditions for the past 4 (maybe 5) years.

photo by Rob Hamilton

This photo was shared by several folks in my Facebook community. I thought it was particularly poignant in illustrating that we go through seasons of our lives, and things are always changing. All this happened at the Jewish New Year, Yom Kippur, which my Jewish friend says is a feasting holiday to balance out the fasting times during the year.

I’m grateful to have come through a “fasting” season in my own life and moving into a “feasting” season. I’m giving more attention to the things in my life that make me happy, that make me laugh, that help me feel part of a bigger picture. I’m giving less attention to the things that make me feel scared, sad and alone. I’m having faith that I am well cared for and I don’t have to do it all myself (well, part of the time anyway)!

I truly believe that the energy we put out come back to us… multiplied! So gratitude is a big part of my future well-being plan.

I’m grateful for the rain and I’m grateful for the clear skies with sun. A season for everything.

Make it 9!

Today is 09.09.09. My friend Carolyn suggested 9 as a theme for today (which I read just before 9am!) So, here are nine affirmations for my day and my life.

1. I do work that I love, working with and for people I really like, making more than enough money to play, to pay and to give away.

2. I am an instrument in the hand of God.

3. I embrace life, I radiate energy, I make connections. All my good expands and circles back to me in many forms including money, creative work, supportive relationships, great health and more.

4. I play. I laugh. I learn. I love.

5. I am willing to love and approve of myself just as I am.

6. I am willing to release the need for approval from others.

7. I am willing to be still.

8. I am willing to let things come to me easily.

9. I am willing to trust myself and my internal guidance.

Many thanks to Carolyn for this suggestion. What are your nine affirmations for today?

My Best Bits

Cat Deeley, the host of “So You Think You Can Dance” often will use the term “best bits” when showing a highlight video of one of the dancers.

So, I started thinking about my “Best Bits.”

- Connecting people. I find most people fascinating and love to hear their stories. In the process, I always find out things that give me ideas of how to make connections to help them reach their goals. (Sometimes business goals and sometimes more personal goals.) Everybody has a story and it is fun for me to listen and help in some way.

- Connecting ideas. I’m interested in many, many things. This is fun for me and gives me a unique perspective on how to make different things work together in a new way. I’ve often thought of myself as a kind of translator. I understand enough about different types of people and how their business works to make suggestions of alliances they may not have considered. With many years as a graphic designer, this ability to learn about a new client and their industry has always been a joyful part of my work.

- Creative thinking. I have many experiences and bits of knowledge in my head and I’m always learning about new ideas, technologies and processes. Because of this, I am able to creatively take thoughts and ideas from a wide variety of experiences see how they can fit together. The very best bits come from collective creativity where focusing with a group of people to creatively explore ideas around a particular topic creates a batch of good, bad, different and impossible ideas – then taking all those ideas, choosing a few of the best ones and putting them together in an action plan. That is the basis of the Mindstorming process I use with clients to help them determine new ways to approach marketing, events or fundraising around a particular topic.

- Having Fun! I like to laugh and gravitate toward people who make me laugh. I also have fun at most everything I do. (OK, I have to work at having fun when I clean the house, so I wait until it really needs it so I get that instant gratification rush of seeing it go from dirty to clean.) But, most others things are fun!

So, what are your Best Bits? And is anything stopping you from putting them out in the world?

47 Thanks to Celebrate 47 Years

1. Ben, my cutie-pie husband of 1 year today
2. Cleo, TC and Squeak, our furry kids… nothing beats purring cat therapy
3. The love and support of my family… you are the best!
4. Good health – mine, Ben’s, my parents and more
5. My friends… the absolute coolest people!
6. Good genes (the DNA kind!)
7. Good jeans (the spandex kind!)
8. A creative mind
9. Eyesight that lets me take in beauty all around
10. All of my senses… grateful for the full experience!
11. Flowers! Spring is my favorite time in Atlanta when the world is in bloom
12. Martial arts training which opened the door to an expanded spiritual awareness and alternative healing modalities
13. Massage and reflexology… giving and getting
14. Chocolate chip cookies (especially my Aunt Doris Ann’s cookies!)
15. Smores Crunch Bars from Medifast
16. Summer fruit… Blueberries, Bing Cherries, Watermelon
17. Anything my mom cooks (or bakes)
18. Restaurants with yummy breakfast menus: J. Christopher’s, Flying Biscuit, Flavor Café
19. I could have an entire list of foods! Grateful that I have easy access to a wide variety of healthy and delicious food.
20. Clients that love to hire me, are fun to work with and pay quickly!
21. God Winks, the synchronicities I encounter ALL THE TIME!
22. My Mac
23. My iPhone
24. An interesting life with many opportunities
25. Easily connecting with people I meet and helping others connect
26. Adding value and making money from a variety of revenue streams
27. Uniquely combining things/ideas/people to create something new
28. My intuition and emotional guidance system
29. Living in a cool house that Ben and I both love
30. Beauty products including Hydrating Gel from Mary Kay, Ginger Rush body lotion from Origins and White Citrus cologne from Bath & Body Works.
31. Getting people together for events like the Roswell-tree
32. Doing Good!
33. Receiving Good!
34. Movies in 3D… love the special effects
35. Live theatrical performances
36. So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing with the Stars… so fun to watch!
37. Reading… so many books, so little time!
38. Restful sleep
39. Being in nature… especially mountains and beaches
40. My grandmothers. Strong mountain women who loved their families and raised great kids who became my parents.
41. Creating cool designs that effectively communicate a message
42. Learning about our magnificent bodies. What a miracle in how our body functions and repairs itself.
43. Being physically active
44. Having people in my life who make me laugh
45. Technology … how it helps me connect to people and work with greater flexibility
46. Having Choices and knowing EVERYTHING works together for my good
47. Knowing that I am an instrument through which God loves other people

Getting Back Into Balance

A few years ago, I read a book where the author used the analogy of a top spinning. If it was balanced, it could spin incredibly fast and stay centered. If the top was the smallest bit off balance it started to wobble and lose momentum.

I’ve felt off-balance many times in the past year. I’ve experienced lots of good things this year, but challenging financial difficulties and the decision and actuality of closing my business, Profits in Progress. Through this year, I’ve been more honest and have taken steps to be kinder with myself. (Does everyone say meaner things to themselves than they would to others? Or is it just me?)

Through this year, I’ve started to trust my inner sense of knowing to a greater degree. There is a phrase, “don’t push the river.” I got too tired to keep pushing the river and fighting upstream toward a goal that I wasn’t reaching. Amazingly, this easier flow of life is so much more simple and enjoyable. It is such a blessing to realize that the job of “Manager of the Universe” really is not mine to perform.

Some of the practices that help me with balance… that I’ve practiced often this year:

• Getting it out of my head. I’ve had private journals for 15+ years. Truly “writing my heart out” is still reserved for notebooks only I will read, but I’m finding that others enjoy my ramblings with my entry into the world of blogging.

• Spending time outdoors always clears my head, eyes and heart. I love to walk at the park or in the woods…and the beach whenever I have the opportunity. That time outside helps me appreciate the beautiful world around me and often sparks ideas.

• Laughing with friends. This has a magical effect of letting me feel the hand of God on my life. I’m so grateful to all the people who laugh with me and share their quirky perspective of life.

• Massage… giving or getting. I took a massage certification course in 2002 and find that when I focus while giving a massage, it becomes a moving meditation. And being on the receiving end helps me appreciate what a wonder this body is and how easily it can remember what relaxation should feel like when I just let go and allow it.

• Prayer, affirmations and meditation. I’ve discovered the power of using a mala this year and I’m amazed how centering this “reminding” tool can be for me. I’ve used my mala with prayers, one bead per person, and with affirmations, repeating each affirmation a bead at time, through a section or the entire 108 beads.

• I created a Prayer Book a few months ago. It contains prayers, poems, songs and quotes that comfort and inspire me. I sometimes carry it with me and re-read the entries and add new ones

My birthday is near the end of August and I often make commitments on that day. (Last year I got married on my birthday!) I hope to remember more often what balance feels like during my next trip around the sun. I will encourage my “take control self” to “lighten up!” When life gets a little wobbly, I’ll do a few simple things to bring myself back into center. And sometimes, falling down is the best way to start over.

Food, Glorious Food… Part 2

Anyone who knows me, knows that I truly enjoy eating. I’m so appreciative that I live where I have a wide variety of food available AND that I have the money to buy the food I want. It is amazing how many can’t afford tasty and nutritious food.

With gratitude for what I have, I’m a long-time supporter of the Atlanta Community Food Bank. A study from 2006-2007 showed an estimated 42,000 people receive food assistance EACH WEEK from non-profits that partner with the Atlanta Community Food Bank. The need is greater now with the challenges in our economy.

The Roswell-tree is a fun example of one of the ways I help the Food Bank and get other people involved. My friend Sally founded the “Tree” in 2006 and I’ve been a Co-Committee Chair since 2007. With our slogan of “Running for Breakfast,” the Atlanta Community Food Bank was a natural fit as the cause for our quirky race to support. You can read the history and the rules of the Roswell-tree at www.Roswelltree.org.

Vanessa, Sally and Santa getting ready for the Roswell-tree start

Sally and I love to have fun, love to get people together and love to help others. So, the Roswell-tree is a great way to have a Win/Win/Win experience for everyone. The best part of our July 4th extravaganza is that everyone wins. This year, each participant won their unique division, we raised $2,500 for the Atlanta Community Food Bank and we had fun all morning – at the race and afterward at breakfast. Check out the photos from this year’s event.

Our new rule for 2009 was that each participant had to do a celebratory dance over the finish line. Wow, were people creative! Fleet Feet gift certificates went to the top 4 winners as judged by Santa. (Sally and I each got a “Caught Being Nice” button from Santa!) The Roswell-tree always has the best sponsors and the coolest participants. Kudos to everyone on making this year’s event the best so far.

Mark the Roswell-tree on your calendar for July 4, 2010. The Committee already has some big plans to the make the 5th Annual Roswell-tree even better. You won’t want to miss it.

PS: Now is the perfect time to make a donation to the Atlanta Community Food Bank. John Smoltz, former Atlanta Braves pitcher, will double the impact of your gift! He has offered a $25,000 matching grant to inspire supporters of the Food Bank to give. Donate here.

Food, Glorious Food… Part 1

I love going to visit my mom and dad in WV. I don’t go just for the food, but it is a very nice bonus. I always eat some of my favorite foods (and my mom makes them better than anyone!)

Here are some of the foods I’m looking forward to enjoying on my visit later this week. We may not make it through all of them, but we will give it a “Good Eater” try.

Blueberries. Plump, juicy and warm off the bush. Blueberry Hill is a pick-your-own blueberry farm near my folks and blueberries are in season. Mom and Dad pick and freeze berries to use all year and I’ll get to eat LOTS of berries while I’m home. We plan to pick on Thursday and I will try to put more in my bucket than my belly, but there is no guarantee! And, come to think of it, I did have a photo of blueberries on my Vision Board I made at the beginning of the year.

Tomato Dumplings. Maybe this is a WV thing. I haven’t met many people who have eaten tomato dumplings. They are perfectly yummy little bread dumplings in a slightly sweet tomato soup/sauce that includes chunks of tomato. My mom’s goal is to have a pot full of “happy” dumplings (light and fluffy inside). There are usually a few “sad” ones that are more doughy in the middle, but still quite tasty. Crowding seems to make them sad. (It does the same thing for me, so I can relate!)

Cabbage Rolls. Just a perfect blend of cooked cabbage leaves stuffed with spiced ground beef along with some tomatoes and onions. There are always leftovers that just get better as the ingredients marinate together. Lean Cuisine has a frozen cabbage roll that Ben and I like for a quick dinner, but nothing holds a candle to my mom’s made from scratch version!

Fried Green Tomatoes. Some restaurants around Atlanta offer fried green tomatoes on their menu, but they usually have waaay too much breading on them. They just can’t compare to Mom’s! Her version is lightly breaded with cornmeal and fried until golden brown. And, at her house, I eat them just as they come out of the skillet. She will have green tomatoes in her garden, but their local produce stand often has green ones so there isn’t the dilemma of picking tomatoes before Mom has ripe ones. It shows how much she loves me that she will sacrifice a few green ones when I’m home! (It isn’t an issue later in the summer, but mid July is when the first ripe ones come in.)

Chocolate Chip Cookies. These come from my Aunt Doris and they truly are spectacular. The last few times I’ve been to WV, she has come to my mom’s with the cookie dough and baked them while we visit. Then I get to eat some of the raw cookie dough (yummmm) and hot cookies right from the oven. I have a hard time hitting my “I’ve had enough” button when it comes to Doris Ann’s chocolate chip cookies! Bring on the stretchy pants!

I could go on and on. Suffice it to say, I do enjoy a wide variety of food and LOVE it when someone else cooks it!

What are some of the foods you love?